The Hardest Thing

 by Jess Cropsey

Our life in Kibuye is pretty comfortable. We have a nice house with appliances, indoor plumbing, and tile floors, all luxuries that most Burundians don’t have. We (now) have relatively reliable power, water, and internet. So when people ask me, “What’s the hardest thing about living in Burundi?”, my answer has always been pretty immediate — being away from family. Yes, for sure there are a host of other challenges including cultural and language barriers, limited resources, and conflict. But the hardest for me has always been missing out on time with family and sharing special events like birthdays, holidays, and family vacation. We’ve had nieces and nephews that we never got to hold as babies. While I appreciate how travel and communication are much easier than they once were, that separation has always felt like the biggest sacrifice, only now the scope has widened.

Last weekend, 3 Kibuye families dropped off their kids at Rift Valley Academy (RVA) in Kenya, a boarding school for missionary kids. The Watts were the first brave souls from our team to embark on this venture. Faders and Sunds sent their oldest girls there last year. This year, it was our turn too. For 4 years, I have watched these parents grieve sending their kids away and navigate parenting from afar. I’ve listened to their pain and watched them weep. I don’t know why it surprised me how incredibly hard it was to leave our daughter Elise (8th grade) last Friday. 

Of course it didn’t help that we faltered on our final decision multiple times in the days leading up to travel due to a rapidly changing situation with new information from the school about online options, rising covid numbers in Burundi & Kenya, land borders closing in Burundi, changing test requirements for travel, and increased mandated quarantine times, all of which made us second guess this decision.

And yet as our family considered the situation, we remained convinced this was the right choice for Elise. In her 7 academic years in Burundi, she’s had an age mate twice for less than a total of 1-½ years and both were boys. Over the last few years, one after the other of the older kids she was grouped with have gone away to RVA. She’s longing for friendship with others her age in her heart language and we can’t provide that for her here in Kibuye. She needs discipleship, social interaction, extra-curricular opportunities, and a larger community.

Elise with new classmates

RVA is an amazing place with staff who are dedicated to loving and serving students and their families in a wholistic way. Yet as a parent, it feels like such a big loss to send her out of the nest 5 years earlier than most people have to. The cost feels immense and I’m so jealous that other people are going to be the ones to hug her when she’s sad, to make her birthday cake, to help her with a problem, to answer her questions about homework, to make special memories with her, etc. 

Elise's dorm parents who, I hear from many people, are amazing!

Elise's dorm, complete with a really nice yard and beautiful view of the valley

Getting settled in her new room

I know the time always comes when parents relinquish those roles, but it just feels too soon right now. And while I know in my head that RVA is a good place for her, my heart is broken and so very sad. I now really understand the feelings that my teammates have shared over the years.

Getting some final snuggles in during orientation

Lord willing, tomorrow I’ll be getting my 4th covid test in 12 days (technically 5 since one guy decided to give me both throat & nose tests in the same sitting) and after a negative result the following day, will be released from a 7-day quarantine at a hotel in the capital city. I’m looking forward to seeing John and the boys again but I know that grief will linger as I walk by Elise’s empty (and now always clean!) bedroom, set 4 plates on the table for meals instead of 5, or realize that I don’t need to order as much produce each week or do as much laundry. 

Please pray for Matea (11th), Anna (10th), Micah (9th), and Elise (8th) as they transition to a new year at RVA (and the Sund kids too). While Micah & Elise are the new ones this year, even returning students have adjustments to make as school is so different with masks and social distancing. Pray that they would grow academically, socially, spiritually, and emotionally. And don’t forget to pray for their parents too.

(left to right) Anna, Matea, Piper, Elise, Ella, & Micah, 

all current or former Kibuye Kids now attending RVA

Snacking, Kibuye Style

by Jess Cropsey 

After living a certain way for a while, you get used to how things are, but sometimes you stop to think about something long enough to realize, Oh yeah, that’s actually pretty weird. A few weeks ago, I walked into our office to see how Elise was doing with her online school work. I found her calmly nibbling on some rose petals from a vase on my desk. Although she assured me it was perfectly safe to eat them, I quickly googled it to make sure.

That same night, I watched Micah climb into his top bunk and noticed some clover hanging out of his pocket. When asked about them, he replied they were for a late night snack while he was reading his book. These back-to-back events made me laugh and realize how weird my kids’ snacking habits really are, thus inspiring me to write this blog about snacking, Kibuye-style. 

First, it brought to mind an English class that I taught to some local teachers not long after we arrived in Burundi. One of our first lessons was about time of day which led to a discussion on meals. I taught them breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Then I attempted to teach the word snack, but was met with some very confused looks and questions like, “Wait, you eat again after your dinner?” Sheepishly, I tried to explain this away by telling them that Americans eat dinner much earlier than they do. Now that I better understand the food scarcity in Burundi and know that many Burundians live on 1-2 meals a day, I cringe to think about our discussion that day. Three full meals a day is a privilege while snacks are for young children and the wealthy. 

Since snacking doesn't happen much here, especially in our rural location, many typical snack foods in the US aren't available here. Oh, how we miss Goldfish, graham crackers, Welch's fruit snacks, grapes and cheese sticks! 

Sammy pounding the grapes during one of our final days on our last summer visit to the USA

Peanuts, boiled eggs, and homemade yogurt are some of our common snacks here in addition to bananas, passion fruit, mangoes (seasonally), carrots, cucumbers, and green peppers.

Sam with a mango about the size of his head

And there’s always a variety of homemade bread products available too — banana, pumpkin or zucchini bread; English muffins; tortillas; or bagels. Micah even enjoys onions raw or sometimes sprinkled over cinnamon bread. 

Micah in 2015 combining two of his favorite foods at the time

Apples, strawberries, and Pringles are some of our special snacking treats, but honestly I think my kids really prefer grazing outside.

Susan does a great job managing our community garden and the kids love munching on mint, chives, basil, broccoli leaves, and lettuce. Venturing out of the garden, there are even more choices available like limes, guavas, loquats, gooseberries, passion fruit, blackberries and mulberries from a neighbor’s tree, bush, or vine. There are even certain types of grass that they eat! The kids have been instructed to avoid all mushrooms just in case, but some of the workers enjoy picking the right ones (not the one below!).

But the kids’ all-time favorite go-to outdoor snack is “yum-yums” (or clover). Apparently there is a whole science behind finding just the right ones — bigger leaves are good and avoid ones with holes or yellow spots on the leaves.

Normally we don't allow food in school, but one stem didn't seem worth the battle

Journeying outside the residential area to nearby downtown Kibuye, the kids like to buy sugar cane or goat kebabs.  

A whole stick of sugar cane for about 20 cents

For the really adventurous, you can buy fried termites when the season’s right. 

Fried termites

Or if you're on the go, you can always eat them fresh!

Looking for a fresh termite snack (my kids are only observers here)

Update: Just this morning (Sunday), one of the guards was collecting the pile of flying termites that landed on our porch last night. Mary Wiland, one of our newly arrived teachers, gathered some too and fried them up (that's her picture above)! Taste test below...

Red, White and Blue!

A couple of days ago, there was a buzz around our homes. I think the kids were the first ones to pick up on the fact that this was no ordinary Saturday.

Keza was getting ready for the party in style!

Madelyn grabbed her own flag to wave and started dreaming of strawberries!

But before the picnic began, there were games to be enjoyed by all! Thanks to Jess and Lindsay for their organizing prowess.

American friends from around the country came to celebrate... and attempt to take down Scott in Can Jam.

Meanwhile, the grill master was hard at work.

Finally, the feast was ready to be enjoyed.

And there were smiles all around!

In addition to celebrating America's birthday, we celebrated Wayne and Barb Vibbert's decades of service in Burundi. They first arrived with their family in 1976. It was a treat to hear their stories in person before they return to the US later this year.

What would the Fourth of July be without sparklers?

These are actually birthday candles to put on cakes, though I think they are much safer to use outside!

Before leaving the next day, Barb Vibbert shared some words of wisdom with the next generation. It was a memorable weekend!

To all of our American friends, we hope you found a fun and safe way to celebrate Independence Day!

Grieving Losses & Building a RAFT

by Jess Cropsey

In recent weeks, people all over the world have grieved uncommon losses of many kinds -- the ability to go to work/school, independence, senior year memories, vacation plans, weddings, feeling of safety, etc. And of course there are those who have lost their jobs or even their own lives because of this pandemic.

While the situation in Burundi is different in certain ways for the time being, our lives also have been upended. As we anticipate the departure of several families and navigate our new way of life in this covid-era, we decided to spend some time with the kids reviewing some common themes in their lives -- loss, grief, and transition. So this is what our school day looked like at Kibuye Hope Academy on Monday ...

We began by reading the first chapter of B At Home in which 10-year old Emma's world is rocked when her parents tell her they're moving...again. It's a chapter book that is highly relatable to children who have experienced a lot of moves, particularly while overseas.

Next, we talked about some of the recent and anticipated losses that we've experienced / will experience as a community and the kids took some time to write about losses that they're feeling as individuals. Regardless of the perceived magnitude of the loss, we've found it important to name them and not brush them under the carpet as "unimportant" or "no big deal".

Using many of the ideas from Misunderstood by Tanya Crossman, we subsequently discussed what grief is, the different ways that people grieve (pre- vs. post- grievers), and why it's important to do it well.

Finally, we walked kids through the RAFT process, which I would highly recommend for anyone (not just overseas workers) facing a big transition. We were introduced to this idea at cross-cultural training and we've found it helpful to walk through together as a family before any move. This time, we had the kids actually build their RAFT using craft sticks, with the name of the step on one side and their answers to the questions on the back. We also added Scripture verses on the support craft sticks on the bottom of the raft.

R (Reconciliation) -- Are there any broken relationships that need to be mended?
A (Affirmation) -- Is there someone who has been particularly important in your life? Make a plan for what you want to tell them and when/how you'll do it.
F (Farewell) -- What special people, places, pets, or other things have been meaningful to you? Make a plan to say good-bye to them.
T (Think Destination) -- Think about where you'll be next. What are your expectations? How will things be similar or different? What are you excited or anxious about?

At the end of the morning, the kids had time to make cards for others as part of the "Affirmation" step. Here's a super creative one that I got from Elise. (I'm pretty sure the fashionable fry only applies when I'm borrowing my mom's clothes.)

You are all on our hearts and minds as you grieve your own losses in this unique period of world history. Please feel free to comment and let us know how we can be praying for you.

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." 

~Psalm 73:26

Super-Mom

-by Carlan

My superhuman wife & our baby.

My wife has super powers. She wasn’t always this way. A year ago she was your typical drop-dead gorgeous, incredibly-talented, multi-lingual, polymath concert pianist and composer. It was somewhere mid-Spring 2019 that something activated in her psyche, like a dormant gene waiting for the right circumstances to express itself. I think it had something to do with motherhood.

“There’s a loose bolt on the road ahead, don’t hit it!” “That ladder doesn’t look like it’s tied down well enough on that truck to the left!” Michelle’s threat-radar had quadrupled in sensitivity overnight, especially while driving.

“Did you hear that? Either a moth had a hiccup in the attic or something’s wrong with Gabrielle!” [Nothing was wrong with our daughter, so I hope that moth had a glass of water or something.] Super-hearing: activated.

Carrying a baby while performing such tasks as making oatmeal, pouring a cup of tea, brushing teeth, and having a phone call requires upgraded cerebellar function (balance, coordination). [Though I’m not saying that we haven’t broken a glass or a plate while trying to do too much at once since our little bundle of joy entered the world.]

But most impressively, Michelle has developed some kind of invulnerability to sleep deprivation. I went through med school and residency. I have had to stay up for 30 hrs straight every fourth day for weeks on end. However, I can count on one hand the number of times my wife has gotten more than a 4 hr block of sleep over the past six months. Yet every morning she smiles and coos and makes friendly faces to the source of her insomnia. Incredible!

Catching a quick nap together while reading Babywise.

Becoming a parent changes things...maybe everything. Caring so much about the welfare of another (helpless) human being provides fertile ground for worry and fear. Expectations for what you are going to get done in a day now that you are looking after another (helpless) human being must be adjusted. And yes, fatigue is a real threat to joy and contentment. Yet I hope that by stopping to look back over the past several months, God’s great grace can be made evident and obvious.

Paul, no underachiever himself, wrote in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” He was struggling with a trial that wouldn’t go away and prayed for deliverance. The way of Christ was not a way out but a way through the pain. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness,” is what Jesus told Paul. It turns out that the best thing for us helpless human beings is to regularly face challenges beyond our natural abilities so that God’s superhuman power can work in us.

Heart & Soul

by Jess Cropsey

It just so happened that a Baptist, an ecumenical charismatic, a Christian Reformed, a non-denominationalist, another charismatic, and a Lutheran "randomly" met at a Presbyterian church in Ann Arbor, MI in the early 2000s.  This special place called Knox Church became the birthplace of our team so many years ago.  And so, it was with great delight that we welcomed three couples from that church to Burundi in May to go through the "Heart & Soul of a Real Marriage" course with our team.

The three team families sent by Knox (first to Kenya in 2009, then Burundi in 2013) with the 3 couples from Knox (Tom & RuthAnn, Steve & Mary, John & Kathy)

They arrived loaded with all kinds of necessities (standardized tests for the kids, math books for next school year, parts for the solar power pack, a replacement for a broken computer monitor) and LOTS of goodies too -- special kits for couples and singles, individualized requests from each family unit (cheese was a popular one!), at-home date night ideas, books & resources, and games/snacks/crafts for the kids.  It was like Christmas!

We crammed the first 6 (of 12) lessons from the Heart & Soul program into an already busy work/school week (the May 1st holiday was a big help!).  John & Kathy put together an amazing program for the kids while the adults were in "class".

    

Each visitor also brought along additional gifts and interests to bless our team.  

Tom and John busied themselves in the workshop making shelves for the school and the hospital

Mary taught a couple watercolor classes to our kids

She also taught knitting to some of the missionaries as well as some local women

Steve took on juggling and yo-yos!

Kathy helped organize our school library

John taught the kids a lesson about banana trees

We managed to fit in some cultural experiences too -- a trip to the nearby waterfalls, hearing the testimony of a local Burundian couple, a home visit, and a tour of the hospital and its various programs.

Although we had lots of fun together, we also waded through some deep waters -- past wounds that impact our relationships, protective layers that we put up to avoid getting hurt again, God's design for marriage and relationships and how that has been damaged since the Fall, and how the gospel relates to each of these areas.  Please pray for each of us as we process and discuss the material that was presented.  Pray that our marriages and relationships would grow deeper as a result.  

We want to say a big THANK YOU to the many people who worked hard to make this trip happen -- those who helped with logistics, those who traveled to be here & all the preparation that entailed, those who prayed, and those who gave gifts and/or financial support.  It was a really great week!  

We look forward to welcoming the team back in February 2020 to go through the second half of the course with us!

Our traditional team send-off, the "tunnel of love".